I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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