someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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