"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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