it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
