some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
