Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
