i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Randomize
