Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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