i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
