I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
