my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
