no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
