This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize