Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
