He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
