...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
