she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I have post one night stand depression
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