found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
