I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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