There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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