i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
