I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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