He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
He literally asked permission to hit on me
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
