I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize