i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Quick, to the slutcave!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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