I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
