wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
splinters make it hard to masturbate
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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