That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
