I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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