Ambien. No doubt about it.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
