You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
