he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize