I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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