She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
