he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
