I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
