apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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