Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
