ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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