I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
