i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
