Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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