Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
