My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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