thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
