I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
