I just saw a hot homeless man
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Randomize
