What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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