Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
