Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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