there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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