in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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