Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
