i'm signing you up for texting rehab
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You took a bar mat shot.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Randomize
