The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
