i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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