I CAN MOONWALK!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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