is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
