you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
