this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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