Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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