his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
