My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
