I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize
