i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize