Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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