C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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